Category Archives: Nick Perry

Safer Sex Night: His Second Perspective

By Nick Perry

Sometimes when I’m walking home alone after a party, shindig, soiree, or some other social gathering for which all participants consumed indeterminate amounts of alcohol I murmur that Jenny Owen Youngs tune, “What The Fuck Was I Thinking?” I find that I’ve been doing it appallingly often recently. Safer Sex Night was no exception.

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Deatheaters Put an Unforgivable Curse Deep Inside The Order of the Spandex

By Nick Perry

The intramural soccer season ended with appropriate emotion in a week crammed full of mid-terms, panicked alcoholism, last-second sexual fulfillment, and serotonin overdose. Given the week’s conditions, however, the plethora of substitutes was extremely ironic for a season that was perennially 8v8 due to lack of attendance. The top-seeded Dascomb Deatheaters — surprise, surprise — brought out every person who has ever worn a uniform/lived in Dascomb and had nearly as many subs as starters and an even more formidably hostile peanut gallery of spectators. The jeers of “kick their teeth down their throats” and “grind their bones to liquid” rallied by notorious cheerleader Victoria Cox drew the ire and occasional gasps of the third-ranked Order of the Spandex. Continue reading

Death Eaters Stupefy Divas

By Nick Perry

On a deceptively sunny day after Halloween, two hangover-nursing soccer squads took to North Swamp to wage the ultimate intramural battle for the venerable threads of red cotton awarded to only the most stalwart of Oberlin competitors – a full two weeks after the initial contest was postponed.

The Dascomb Death Eaters (who, it is worth noting, have not actually lived in Dascomb for two years) boasted a perfect 9-0 record, led through the season by midfield pairing Silas Montgomery and Isaac Alexandre-Leach (the Carrows), and the anchoring defense of Troy Spindler (Voldemort himself). They arrived, as usual, with an enormous pesky entourage, their trademark strategy for draining the opponents’ spirits. Continue reading

Salman Rushdie Discusses the Current Role of Literature at Recent Convocation

By Nick Perry

Photo by Beowulf Sheehan.

The cacophony of thunderous applause and admiring yells was still dissipating when a stocky, olive-colored gentleman, bald but for the grey wavy mess of Einsteinian hair shooting out around the sides and back of his head, confidently took the Finney Chapel podium microphone from another, fully balded man. After President Krislov’s introduction detailing his many prizes for contributions to literature—including a Best of Booker Prize for Midnight’s Children, twelve honorary degrees from distinguished universities, and admission to numerous countries’ most prestigious academic societies—the softly British-accented Sir Salman Rushdie addressed the Oberlin College community, “You are here to listen to a writer speak. There is no reason why a writer should be able to do this.” Continue reading

Concert Etiquette: Theatres

By Nick Perry

Last Wednesday night, I shocked my friends, coworkers, myself and other acquainted brethren by attending a Fleet Foxes concert. I don’t like Fleet Foxes – they’re boring and I can never understand what their prepubescent moaning is about. It just sounds like they’re all trying to play the same violin with their teeth while the conspicuously well-dressed one sensually strums a guitar with his eyes closed and his “oh face” on. I don’t care for it. Continue reading

Oberlin Cheerleading Club Revived

By Nick Perry

Photo by Ruby Smith.

Every fall brings something new to Oberlin. New attitudes, ambitions, resolutions, confidence levels, and wardrobes; new and infuriatingly inconvenient construction and renovations; a new slew of wide-eyed first-years; new friends who are actually old friends who have been irremediably effected by studying abroad; new problems with ResEd that are actually just the same problems that you would think they could have solved by now; well-kept girls strutting into Stevie in new OC Cheer uniforms; new classes and professors; new… wait, what? Cheerleading uniforms? As in, like, sports cheerleading? Continue reading

Gateway to Knowledge

By Nick Perry



Photo by Nick Perry.

I went on this thing the other day. It slipped into my mind that I passed the gateway to knowledge when I learned to tie my shoes, so there wasn’t a whole lot of interest except a totally rad ‘60s excerpt of the first Spiderman issue. If you like to be uncomfortably cold and annoyed that an 18-wheeler would sit idly blasting its AC for nine and a half straight hours, then you might have gotten a kick out of it, though.

Interview with a Drug Guy

By Nick Perry

F+L: When was your first time smoking pot?

MJ: Well, I was at school, with my friend, and we smoked out of, like, an aluminum pipe that he made out of aluminum foil. It was really gross. It was during freshman year. It was totally peer pressure-less.

F+L: When did you first use prescription drugs [without a prescription]?

MJ: Probably Junior year. Somebody probably gave me some Adderall.

F+L: To study?

MJ: To study… I studied for multiple days. Like, I remember the first time I took Adderall I didn’t sleep for at least two days.

F+L: How much did you take?

MJ: I don’t remember.

F+L: So did you exclusively do Adderall in high school?

MJ: Well, what I really–Oh! No! That wasn’t the first time I did Adderall.  The first time I did Adderall I was at a computer LAN, which is where everyone hooks up their computers and plays–

F+L: Oh yeah, I know. I’ve LANed.

MJ: Okay, well I was with some older boys and it must have been like sophomore year and we did an outside LAN; all the computers were outside and then we went into a bathroom and this kid was going to snort some Adderall and I was like, “Hey, I want to do some of that.”

F+L: Just ‘cause?

MJ: Yeah, I don’t know why I wanted to do it but I did it. Actually, I think I pressured my way in because, you know, people don’t want to give away drugs for free.

F+L: Okay, well what is the most recent–are you on any drugs right now?

MJ: No. (laughs then pauses) Oh wait, yeah, I did take some Adderall today.

F+L: So you’re kind of on Adderall?

MJ: I took like a really small amount.

F+L: Okay, so when did you start doing smart drugs outside Adderall?

MJ: Well, smart drugs I got into here… Well, I got an Adderall prescription at the start of Senior year and I didn’t really get into smart drugs until the end of senior year or when I got here.

F+L: What smart drugs do you use?

MJ: I have some Modafinil which makes you not tired and stuff and it’s pretty tight because it doesn’t get you high–it just keeps you awake. You’re like awake and your reading comprehension is better. I think it’s going to get pretty popular in the coming years.

F+L: Is that all you use?

MJ: Uh, yeah.

F+L: What did you use last year?

MJ: I tried Peracitan, which is more like a supplement than a drug, and it’s supposed to increase memory and stuff, but I never really noticed anything different; also, it tasted bad. And then there was Cava Cava. It’s like this herbal shit, it’s a legal drug that you can buy. I really reacted bad to that… [Note: interviewee spent literally 24 hours in bed immediately after taking this drug]

F+L: How often do you order drugs off the internet?

MJ: Well I ordered a bunch off the Internet last year, but I’ve kinda stopped doing that.

F+L: How many times have you ordered drugs off the internet, and how many different varieties?

MJ: I’ve ordered like 4 drugs, 5 times. The only thing I’ve had success with is the Modafinil.

F+L: What else have you done besides smart drugs and weed?

MJ: Coke, mushrooms, acid, E, molly, Oxycontin, Percocet, and Vicodin, stuff like that.

F+L: Do you think there’s a cause for doing them?

MJ: I don’t know, I think it’s fun. (laughs) I think I like the novelty. I don’t know, I think it’s really crazy that you can just take a drug and it like alters–you know, you get high and stuff. That’s pretty wild.

F+L: Do you prefer being high to being sober?

MJ (adamant): No, I’m not someone who ever wanted to be super fucked up all the time. Like I remember in high school, waking and baking and thinking, “Oh, I wish I wasn’t high, this was such a mistake.” You know, in my experience, most drugs take just as much as they give. So if you get high and you have a really fun time, you’re gonna feel bad at some point. And, like, I actually joke with my girlfriend sometimes because, like, after doing a lot of drugs I go, “Oh, I’m never going to do drugs again!” And like, I’ve said this multiple times because, like, you come down from drugs. You know, they’re a harsh mistress.

F+L: Have you ever lost control?

MJ: Um (pauses) no. I think too much about it to really lose control. I don’t want to get addicted to something and I think that’s why I don’t get addicted. I really worry when I start using a drug more–like, that’s why I stopped smoking cigarettes.

F+L: Do you do painkillers a lot?

MJ: No, not really. I used to have a neighbor who did a lot of painkillers and I used to go over there–he was kind of a sketchy kid.

F+L: What’s your favorite drug?

MJ: (after a few moments) I guess like shrooms would be my favorite, in terms of giving me something, and you know, giving me consistent positive experiences.

F+L: How many times would you estimate you’ve done each of those drugs you mentioned?

MJ: Pot a ton. Coke maybe ten times, shrooms maybe eight times. Only done acid once. E four times, molly once. Vicodin, Oxycontin, and Percocet… I mean, like, 15-20 times. You know, because they come around a lot.

F+L: What do you think about drug laws?

MJ: I think it’s tough, because what I’ve discovered is that some drugs really are addictive. I remember–and I think a lot of kids have this–when I first smoked pot being like, “We’ve been lied to.” And you feel like drugs aren’t what you thought they were, which is, you know they’re evil and bad, and there’s a reverse reaction and you start to think like, what else have they been lying about? And so for a long time I thought, like, look, people are individuals and they should be allowed to do what they want and they should take responsibility for the consequences. And I did a lot of drugs in high school and I never really found that I was in any danger of getting addicted to anything. But then doing something like Oxycontin, and then doing more cocaine, I realized that like, “Oh, wow, these drugs are addictive.” I mean, I’ve never had a problem but certain friends of mine, you can see, like, this is how it starts. And you can see, once you’ve done enough drugs, your brain just starts to put up with them, and your tolerance goes up a ton, and you get in the mindset that you just don’t care about other shit, and I think that’s the dangerous part about drugs–that they make you not care because you’re high. So no, I don’t think drugs should be legal.

F+L: What about pot?

MJ: Pot should be legal. I think it’s crazy–I think every thinking person thinks pot should be legal. Especially considering that the drug I see the most problem with, and the drug that I use the most, and the drug I could most see myself having a problem with is alcohol. And I think as far as drugs go, that’s the most legal one, especially in our society where, like, you don’t feel bad about it until you’re like really… Like there’s no shame in drinking.

F+L: Okay, so where do you draw the threshold for drug legality?

MJ: I think shrooms should be legal, definitely.

F+L: Acid?

MJ: Acid… I think acid should be legal.

F+L: Acid can fuck you up pretty good, too. I know some people that have gotten pretty strung out on acid.

MJ: Yeah, but I don’t think you have the same urge to do it again and again and again. I don’t know. I think also ecstasy is… It’s just bad for you. Like, it just burns out your brain. I don’t know… I mean, once I did some Adderall and then I snorted a lot of coke and I thought that, like, I had damaged my heart because it kept beating really fast, but it got better.

F+L: Do you think it’s over-prescribed?

MJ: Oh yeah, I think it’s pretty fucked up. As a person with an Adderall prescription, like if I was to take it as prescribed, I would take it everyday, and I don’t think that’s right. I think that’s like legalized addiction. Adderall treats ADD like a hammer treats a dent in a car. It’s not subtle. Basically what it’s doing is like pumping your body full of like adrenaline and dopamine and stuff and that increases concentration, but it has tons of other finicks, it’s not just a subtle thing that makes you concentrate better. And I don’t think it’s really right that it’s prescribed to children.