The Price(s) of Happiness

By Evanne Gordon

It’s finally here! A compiled database of comparative prices for the establishments around town that care to deal in the items that we in the Risky Business section deem essential—no longer will you have to wonder where are the best deals on tobacco, wine, beer, condoms and liquor! Read on to find out.

Note: Oberlin’s Sexual Information Center (SIC), located in Wilder 203, has disgustingly cheap supplies for your intercourse needs! They offer condoms, dental dams, and pregnancy tests, among other things; the SIC is open daily from 4-6pm and also 8-10pm Monday through Thursday.

CVS – a drug store I thought was just a place to grudgingly pick up my birth control once a month, is actually a vendor of beer, tobacco and prophylactics as well!

  • Without tax, Marlboro Reds are $5.28 per pack and $53.00 per carton; Camel Blues are $4.20 for a pack, and $49.47 for the carton.
  • Beer: 6 packs of Heineken go for 5.89 before tax, a 40 oz Cobra for $1.79, a 6-pack of Miller in a bottle for $5.89, and a 12 pack of Budweiser comes in bottles for $12.49. Nice! Note: no Sunday sales.
  • Condoms are overwhelmingly Trojan, three to a pack for $6.49, twelve to a pack of the cheaper ones for $12.49, 12 Trojan Magnums go for $14.49, and—get this—12 Trojan Natural Luxury Condoms go for $42.79. Wow.

DrugMart- Right across from Johnny’s about a half mile from campus on North Main.

  • They have filters for your rollies! Reds (pre-rolled) go for 5.30 a pack before tax and $52.47 for the carton. Camel Lights $4.99 and $49.47. Bugler in a mini pouch (roughly 30 cigarettes) sells for $4.79, and Top in a mini pouch or $3.59. Also, just a little f.y.i. for all you L riders, a pack of Phillies Blunts goes for $4.79.
  • Wine is on sale, lots of backstock so it’s cheap and decent in quality. I would recommend the Turning Leaf chardonnay for a very inexpensive, very good white (c. $6.99), and the giant 1.5 L Rex Goliath Cab Sav for an indulgent yet cost effective Red (c. 15.99). Beer is state-mandated prices, matching pretty much exactly with CVS only with a much larger selection (6-pack Guinness and the like cerca $9.49, 6-pack Mike’s Hard for $7.49). 30 racks of PBR and Miller HL generally go for $15.99 at the moment. As for liquor, DrugMart pretty much only has diluted vodka (Kamchatka) for $4.29 per liter and a colorful assortment of pre-mixed drinks.
  • Condoms—10 pack Trojan Ultra-ribbed for $7.99, 12 Magnum X-Large for $5.99, 12 Lifestyles for $6.49, and the eye-catching Trojan 36-count value pack for $15.49. Oh, and heads up, the Trojan vibrating ring and extra condom package goes for $7.99.

Gibson’s- Your favorite everything store.

  • Reds go for $6.59 by the pack and $58.49 by the carton. Camel Lights $6.04 before tax and $53.89 for the carton.
  • Gibson’s has a wide selection of beers ranging from a 6 pack of Great Lakes for $8.99 to a 24-pack of PBR for $13.99 (come on Pabst, don’t sell yourself short), a 12 pack of Bud for $9.99, 6 pack Woodchuck hard cider for $8.99 and—I asked Allyn if this was true and he thought so—12 pack of Miller HL in a bottle for $6.99. Wine prices range from the cheap and dirty Tisdale Cab Sav at $4.99 a bottle before tax, and can go upwards of $28.99 for nicer selections such as the Ruffino Chianti. A nice middle range white is the Woodbridge Chardonnay, and again the Turning Leaf, which unfortunately goes for $8.99 here. Andre is also available for $9.99, a cheaper bubbly with all the nice effects.
  • The condom selection is quite poor, packs of 1 Trojan going for $2.19 a pop (pun intended).

Johnny’s- The obvious choice for liquor…really, the only choice for liquor.

  • A pack of Reds before tax is $5.53 and a pack of Camel Lights is $5.02.
  • Pre-tax: A handle of Captain Morgan for $31.70, and a handle of Bacardi for $24.90. Handle of Jack Daniels goes for $36.80, handle of Knob Creek for $59.70, and 1.75 liters of Jameson for $49.85. A handle of Bombay gin goes for $45.85, Ketel One Vodka $49.95, 1.75L of Grey Goose for $64.80, and last but not least, a 1.7 L bottle of Cuervo Especial goes for $34.00—clearly the best choice for those wild Obies who want a bigger bang for their buck. As for beer and wine, prices hover around Drug Mart and CVS prices, although there is a much, much larger selection and I didn’t see any crazy deals like at Drug Mart ($9.99 for 3 bottles of Double Dog Sweet White, etc.). A fun fact is that Johnny didn’t like me snooping around his stock and basically kicked me out before I could check on wine prices too well. 12 pack Great Lakes $12.99, 18 pack Budweiser $13.99, and so on as the state mandated prices go.
  • No condoms were prominently displayed here and honestly I don’t see why they would sell them, but maybe someone should suggest it!

Mickey Mart- Open late; also a gas station.

  • Reds $5.25 plus tax, $55.74 for the carton, Camels $4.95, $52.59 for the carton. A bag of American Spirits rolling tobacco sells for $9.76 which let me tell you annihilates New York prices.
  • An 18-rack of PBR is $9.99 and a 30 rack of Keystone goes for $13.99, and 40 oz. bottles of Budweiser and Old English sell for $2.69 each.
  • Mickey Mart sells 3-count packs of various kinds of Trojans for $3.99 each.

Conclusions: Mickey Mart pulls in first for tobacco, both pre-rolled and in a pouch. Johnny’s has a monopoly on liquor and has the best wine selection (and is a hostile environment for inventory takers) but it seems that Drug Mart has the best wine prices. Don’t buy your Miller 6-packs at CVS, we here in the Risky Business section suggest skipping the 6-pack and going for the 30-rack at $15.99 or the classy Gibson’s 12-bottle set for $6.99. Your best bet for a 40 is from CVS—they are most prominently displayed and seem to be priced the best. Gibson’s is great and has a ton of stuff but generally is more expensive than the others reviewed (but is also right next to King, and seems to be kicking ass if you like Miller HL). Condoms are definitely cheapest and in the widest variety at Drug Mart, although the author begs the reader to keep in mind the note about the SIC. Hope this has been helpful -  happy weekend shopping!