By Evanne Gordon
Wilder 115 was buzzing with over 100 people when I got there for the group sex workshop this Tuesday, and my first thought was ‘honestly, what happens if this turns into a giant orgy?’ I sat by a window just in case it did turn into a giant orgy or a fire or the zombie apocalypse. Chomping on a Snickers bar, I too was in a different mood than my apple-biting self of the “Empowering Virginity” workshop in the same room one hour before. I scouted the room for young people to creep on at the sex dance. The meeting began with some arousing pictures to stimulate creativity in positioning during sex with more than two partners, and the leaders of the talk (SIC reps Liz and Isaac) dove right on in to the logistics of a three-some where two of the three are in a romantic relationship.
They went over the importance of the couple talking beforehand in hypotheticals to make sure it was all okay and establishing rules so that nothing would get out of hand and cause feelings of jealousy and anger. I am sure many people present had never before thought of “the thrill of the chase as a couple’s activity,” and the sage advice was given that the third part should be someone both people are on the same level with. The couple is supposed to flirt together, you see, to make it fun and sexy and appealing to the third party to have sex with both of them. And the workshop leaders said, if you’re not interested in the threesome, it’s best to back out politely with a temporal or sexual excuse (as in I’m not looking for group sex right now, or, I don’t want to have sex with boys).
As for the actual logistics of three-party sex, we were reminded that it can go on for a while and that time-outs are absolutely okay, and deciding you no longer want to participate in the activity at any point is also absolutely okay—consent is a continual process! They advised the original couple to avoid feelings of jealousy and exclusion by knowing yourself and limiting activities you find the most intimate to only being shared by the original couple (i.e. kissing). For first timers, they suggested the activities of voyeurism (having someone watch you) and cuckholding (watching while someone has sex with your partner) for a sort of transitional step into 3-way intercourse. The overarching message was to be creative, salient points including, “two people can suck one dick and one person can suck two dicks.”
Some words of wisdom was that threesomes should not be excuse for someone in a relationship to get some spice without cheating, and that the full time partner should always get more attention. Also suggested were debriefing sessions for the couple in which you talk about how hot you guys were and maybe not so much about how hot the third party is. Transversely, the third party should not invite hirself into the sex, to sleep over, or to breakfast the next day without being asked. Accept your role as the third party and just have fun. And most importantly, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SEE ONE PARTNER ALONE AFTER THE FACT.
The lecture then turned to spontaneous group sex. Murmurs of possibility and I look to the window. The discussion leaders again mentioned hypotheticals as the best way to feel out a group’s eagerness to participate, and recommended paying attention to body language to gauge unspoken comfort levels along each step of the sexual encounter. We talked about SAFETY and the risks of fluid-bonding, some good advice being that if the female condom is filled with fluid, you should change it, while makes should always switch condoms for different partners and always after anal sex. We talked about alcohol and how it’s hard to give consent if you’re drunk and also hard to be good at sex. Group sex is kind of difficult so you should have all your senses sharp and your imagination at the top of its game. They suggested that after group sex the parties involved engage in some sort of non-sexual activity to avoid awkward reunions in passing around campus (this point would have been so helpful for first-year me), such as cuddling and de-briefing or bowling or a meal. Finally, before questions, they stressed the importance of wrapping up emotions before sleep to keep everyone happy and communicating.
Part of the reason this workshop was so great was because it included all the emotional and physical implications and details that could possibly be brought up in a group sex situation. I was very impressed by the scope of the information presented as well as with the demeanors of the discussion leaders—they were sexy, knowledgeable and mature. The only question worth noting was, “are the leaders speaking from experience?” (No), and (same question) “Is the guy in the purple shirt next to Liz speaking from experience?” Ha. Definitely check out this workshop next year if you missed it this time!