By Gossip Girl

This weekend was poorly thought out!  You will see what I mean as I detail my mistakes.

Friday

10:24 p.m. First stop: Feve. Apparently the trustees are paying tonight. Drinks on them!

11:34 p.m. I’ve literally heard of nothing happening except for the movie at 11:55 p.m., and so I’ve decided I have a journalistic responsibility to go and report on how it is.

12:09 a.m. At the movie with Gunther. He snuck 3/4 of a beer in. I’m so proud to be his friend.

12:10 a.m. I realized just now that I actually sat in the Feve and played games tonight. What the hell happened to Friday nights?

The mistake that I made was that I hadn’t been trying to figure out what was going from about 7 p.m. on.

12:58 p.m.  Just walked to the bathroom and DANNY DEVITO IS SITTING RIGHT BEHIND ME!  WOO!!

I really wanted to ask if his balls were on fire.  He spends a lot of time talking about his flaming testicles on Twitter.

2:25 a.m.  I have decided that the New Apollo is the best thing to happen to Oberlin in a long time.  I’ve also decided that Zombieland is the best thing to happen to me since Shaun of The Dead.

I think they may have spent more time on picking the best zombie kills to include in the movie than they did casting the film.

Saturday!

1:08 p.m. I’ve decided to start early.  I’m chilling with some guys watching a game and playing pong.

2:27 p.m. Planning the night out.  It looks like dinner at Agave, pregame at Casa Del Calamari, two birthday parties, and then whatever happens.

2:43 p.m. I just got on the pong table!  My partner likes to play with the balls.  This has been interrupting the game.

3:55 p.m.  We’ve been on the table for a solid hour now.  Feeling wasted.

4:19 p.m. Gunther, get over here now!

I take notes on the evening by texting myself.  I was drunk enough that I accidentally texted myself when I was meaning to text Gunther.  Things got fuzzy here.

6:29 p.m.  I am waljing home to get rrady for Casa Del Calamarfi.  Whu dd U srink so much N?

If I was typing like this, I know exactly how I was walking.

8:49 p.m.  I just woke up and decided not to go out tonight.

Party Rule #1: Don’t get too wasted to go out.