By Gossip Girl
Welcome to the first edition of the new Rock and Roll column, where I will be observing, reporting, analyzing, and criticizing the party scene here at Oberlin. We are committed to learning and labor, but we are married to social frivolities by all means. We constantly barrage ourselves with awesome things to do, and we are Not Boring.
10:54 p.m. Heading out with Scrappy Doo and Lenny Laplante. Going to a party at an undisclosed location on Union Street. Already pregamed with the guys.
We drank all the beer at our place, and Gunther had already passed out on the couch. He usually makes me stay out way later than I intended, so this boded poorly on the night. He said to call him in ten minutes, but I got no answer. This was technically a party foul, but I let it slide.
10:55 p.m. Just got attacked by huge bugs.
I was drunk. Why did I think this would be interesting?
11:01 p.m. Beer pong in a basement with girls. We’re talking about Miley Cyrus.
I had high expectations of this first (and only) party that Friday night brought me. It was a pretty fun time. We were in a basement with low ceilings playing beer pong without music. At one point, a guy pulled out his phone and got the new Miley Cyrus jam on Youtube.
11:14 p.m. Scrappy just sunk their battle ship.
11:44 p.m. We just owned some pong-playing ladies! People are playing flip cup!
Some seriously inventive minds go to Oberlin. There was a sizable contingent of avid flip cup enthusiasts who wanted to play flip cup. We were playing pong, and a hybrid of the two was born. The flip cuppers would set up and wait for the pong players to get a shot in. When this happened, the teams would jump right into a game of flip cup. It was brilliant. An otherwise mundane game was turned into a game that required attention. It was like a thinking man’s flip cup. Kudos.
11:54 p.m. I want to be at a bigger partay.
12:29 a.m. The party scene dropped the ball.
Maybe people are super busy studying for some super important thing and that’s why I can’t go out tonight. I mean, if everybody ever gave up drinking and started working on Friday nights, we’d be further along as a species.
12:31 a.m. I have no prospects. Zombie Movie time.
9:51 p.m. Planning the night with Scrappy Doo at my place.
10:24 p.m. Accidentally sidetracked to a pre-game thing.
I’m frustrated by the new rules that the freshmen have brought from high school. I was asked why we call it pong when it was clearly Beirut.
10:29 p.m. Decide to leave after 5 minutes. Something about ex-hookups makes me want to turn and run.
10:41 p.m. “WHERE. IS. CHEESE. WHY. NO. CHEESE” – Text from Scrappy Doo
11:04 p.m. Huge crowd in the street. Pretending we have a reason to wander over so we can be nosey.
It was just like 6 frosh-cliques huddled up by a dorm. Disappointing.
11:08 p.m. Text from Scrappy Doo – “I dont think you haSthe commitment to our scedule.”
11:10 p.m. Pretty smooth jams coming out of Blue House. Time to investigate.
11:12 p.m. Not sure why this party sucks. Need to investigate further.
11:16 p.m. I realize that this party is way too populated by frosh-cliques. I feel like a cheetah at a wildebeest party.
11:16 p.m. Text from Scrappy Doo – “Like a fungus, freshmen ruin everything. Especially parties. Stupid fresh….gus”
Scrappy Doo was somewhere at this party. I found him drenched in sweat and drunk like he had four sparks. I’m mildly jealous.
11:23 p.m. Party by Puffers looks lame from outside. We will be at The Feve in T-minus 3 minutes.
11:50 p.m. Gunther drank WAY too much. Scrappy Doo is hating on The Feve and I’ve been invited to go to Blue Sky later with Telly Patel. Looking for something to do until then.
Showing up at The Feve was the most fun part of the night. Gunther was getting shot down by people he was flirting with, and Scrappy Doo hates paying for booze, but they know they love it here. I got excited about Blue Sky, but I forgot almost immediately that I committed to going.
11:55 p.m. Eduardo Calamari comes through in a serious pinch. Awesome party is waiting for us at Grey House. A car just almost hit scrappy Doo.
12:13 a.m. Jackpot of a party. Little Miss NYC and Tony Weiss just showed up. This is a wonderful thing.
Upon my arrival, there was free beer in the fridge, and they were barely charging anything for mixed drinks.
12:20 a.m. Parties tonight got way more populated with the New York Hip crowd than I was expecting in a shorter amount of time than would be reasonable.
12:54 a.m. Heading back to Castle Greyskull. Probably headed home soon. Very low expectations.
I was mistaken. Right as I made this comment, Gunther staggers up to Castle Greyskull. This resulted in 10 minutes of lollygagging at a big party with no more beer. Fortunately, most of the lame kids had left and I could really bask in the genuine quality of the people I like at this party.
1:09 a.m. There are random townies here.
2:23 a.m. Kidnapped from my house at far too late an hour. Blue Sky is a daunting task, but someone must step up to the plate. I ordered all the food they have.
Few things feel as fundamentally “Oberlin” than a quest into the surrounding socially conservative cornfields for late night eats.
2:28 a.m. The wonderful couple I am with just realized that Middle America is still afraid of dude-on-dude make-out.
We got some serious stank eye.